I’ve decided to embrace my inner BCB — that’s Basic Christmas Bitch.
Now, I admire the Spooky Girls and the GHB’s — Gothic Halloween Bitches. I myself have a lot of black clothing, own more than one decorative skull, and have seen and enjoyed more B-movie monster flicks than your average bear.
But if I’m honest with myself? My aesthetic heart lives in Christmastown. I am my mother’s son, in this regard among many. It wasn't uncommon to find White Christmas playing in July, or hear Jonny Mathis wishing Merry Christmas in March, when she was home.
I had many wonderful Christmas days growing up, yes; generous presents, beautiful decorations, happy family meals. But for me it’s not about December 25 proper, it’s more the overall season and its trappings. Christmas as setting. Christmas as palette. A downtown street with lights strung across it? Ah! A little twinkly Christmas tree high up in a retirement home window? Ah! Old couples in matching Christmas sweaters on November 30? Double ah! My heart, my heart, my heart. It’s all too good.
So I’ve spent time this past week making a little Christmas nest for myself. The Macy’s near me had some lovely Martha Stewart accessories on clearance, and I went off. I’ve got a string of lights around my plants (voice controlled through Siri, of course), I baked myself some Christmas goodies and put them in little Christmas tins, using the matching Christmas potholders and tea towels throughout the process. I picked up the Holiday Main Street LEGO set to join a few other holiday sets I already have. I'm burning pine and spruce candles and the holiday episodes of old sitcoms and just generally living in Christmas, as best I can without acquiring too many things. (The new Christmas towels for the bathroom arrive soon.)
I must acknowledge that some of this is defensive; I’m planning to spend Christmas solo, and I’m apprehensive about it. I want to do it in a way that is as positive, mindful, and healthy as possible. I don't want to "get through" the holidays, I want to enjoy them, damn it! Even if I'm by myself. Melancholy and I are old friends, and I expect she’ll keep me company this Christmas as well, but I don’t want her to be my only guest; I’m setting the table for gratitude, self-love, and joy, too.
Hope you’re well and warm out there, friend. I’m learning that New England weather plays a mean little trick where you do get some warmer days in the winter, but they’re rainy! Rude.
Until next time,
Flitting between a few books at the moment, still looking for my next fiction page-turner. I’ve been reading Lightning Flowers at a pace of about 30 pages per week, because I’m deeply interested in the topic but it’s also very heavy; environmental destruction is always a tough read.
Just last night I picked up Laserwriter II, which looks so up my alley I already feel guilty, like that brief period between purchasing the box of gluten-free donut holes and having eaten them all.
Buckle up; my holiday trip got extended thanks to Delta fucking up again, so there’s been a lot of TV watching between last issue and now.
Back on my Hades grind. I love a rogue-like. My friend Michael pointed me to this wildly thorough build guide which is helping me through. I’m realizing I’m not actually that good at most video games apart from shooters — which I get less competitive in with age — so the guide is helping quite a bit.